by Laura Matson Hahn
Age 60. New Hope, PA.
When I was in my formative years, 0 to 18, there were five key elements which formulated what became my purpose in life. It was no grand objective to serve the world. It was more like a bet with myself, could I do it? Sixty years hence I can say I did, and still do.
But I hesitate to use the word purpose – the word has become associated with the great ‘new age’ scurry to tag oneself with a vaulted ideal or cause. All the better if it garners applause, sells books or engenders an “ah-ha” from the divine Miss O. All of which, keeps people focused on external validation for an understanding that is essentially an inside job.
But I hesitate to use the word purpose – the word has become associated with the great ‘new age’ scurry to tag oneself with a vaulted ideal or cause.
My purpose was the opposite: “To Live A Heart-Centered Life:” To measure my choices from the inside out. To discover my life, my path, with the guidance of my heart. To be true to the spirit I innately felt within. To trust my quiet inner voice.
The five key elements were:
FIRST: A vivid dream at ten, envisioning a book I would write much later, after I’d acquired some life experience. (this has happened).
SECOND: Around the same age, observing my mother’s duties in raising 8 children led to my declaration not to have children. (never did, never regretted)
THIRD: While cooking dinner, my mother played musicals on the stereo to entertain her children. I became enchanted by a line from The Unsinkable Molly Brown: “I mean much more to me than I mean to anybody I ever knew.” It married my soul. I had to know what that felt like. It sounded good. (and it is).
FOURTH: Growing up in the age of Bo Derek, I longed for a mentor to show me how life works, to tell me what to do. I did not get that mentor. But I got several others who showed me myself and how to apply that in my life choices. (much better)
FIFTH: In my senior High School year, my father had a heart attack and open heart surgery. I witnessed his dramatic life switch from a crew-cut company man to a singer and dancer in local Gilbert and Sullivan productions, taking Chinese cooking and modern dance classes, growing his hair and a beard and learning the art of a well placed valium when the stress of his bosses was too high.
The last solidified my choice to live my life NOW: to risk not being the same as everyone. To strike out on my own with no Daddy Warbucks back up. To make every choice based on the trueness it felt within me, regardless of other’s options. To avoid external measures.
I didn’t marry young and have children. I didn’t want to raise someone else to live their life true. I wanted to know the truth of me, in this body, on this earth, at this time.
Was it easy? Nawww. It takes a pretty strong constitution to swim up stream. I didn’t marry young and have children. I didn’t want to raise someone else to live their life true. I wanted to know the truth of me, in this body, on this earth, at this time. I wanted to feel ALIVE like Maggie The Cat and Auntie Mame. I did things my family didn’t understand. I sought out knowledge about the spirit and sociology, participating in a wide range of classes and movements, harvesting what was right for me and letting the rest go. Each decade revealed new challenges, understanding, temperance, disappointment, excitement and love.
So in essence, my philosophic choice turned into my purpose many years later.
As Gamma in The Heart Code says: “To make dream is good, is part of life. Is how we know ourselves, test ourselves . . . but maybe is only small part of journey. More important, maybe, is what happen along the way. The people we meet. The laughter we find. The trouble we work through. Things we cannot know or imagine. Things we cannot dream. Things that come out of following our dream. This, I think, is what life is really for. To find out who we are from what we face, with courage, with creativity, with truth. This is why we have life, I think. Dreams are just something to do while we learn how to live.”
We now know we are mostly the same, in our DNA. So what makes us unique is our path.
And I think that is true for the majority of people who live as best they can from a good interior set of values. From my experience, the only thing I have to pass on to every generation is this: We now know we are mostly the same, in our DNA. So what makes us unique is our path. Everything we need to maximize our learning and loving on this planet is already in one’s heart. In essence: It’s An Inside Job.